journal entry: june 12, 2009

rewind. the following is an update I wrote 6 months ago but never sent. it was just after graduation from the last DTS staffed by Anna, Lito, Tony, Karen, Daveed, Mar and myself... just a reminder for myself, about to begin another 5 months again, what its like to come out on the other end with an overwhelming feeling of it all being beyond worth it.

wow. I can't believe it. 5 months, again, have passed by. another dts... 14 more students graduating from YWAM San
Jose Discipleship Training School. just like myself, one year ago. this time, like most know, I had the privilege
of joining the staff team however... theres a lot more they're walking away with than just a certificate
of completion. during these last days of saying our goodbyes... I was overwhelmed with feeling such a mix of emotions..
joy. sadness... a sence of victory.these guys are walking away with so much more than they begun with. so much more
revalation and understanding of who God is... who they are... and the role they play in making Him known.
they've grown in intimacy in their personal relationships with their Creator and leave with changed hearts...
hearts turned to Him. ready for the next step, hungry for more of life and eager to hear and be lead by the voice
of the one who has called them out and awakened them to the abundant life He came to give. even if it had been just
one, being able to see this transformation is a reward beyond words. it gives me such joy to see other young
passionate leaders stepping out into the callings God has on their lives... knowing that He created each of them
...each of us...individual and unique and each of us have a unique way and role in impacting this world for the one
who created it... the one who is longing for His people to be awakend to the love they were created for... the
relationship we are created for. It was so hard to say goodbye to the family God has blessed me with at YWAM San Jose
and it hurts my heart right now to be separated from them... I trust I will see them again... but still, my heart
longs to be with them... how much more could God's heart yearn and ache to be with the ones He loves so so much.
and yet... we don't have to catch a plane to be with Him... or Him with us...He is right here, waiting. waiting,
and longing for us to enter in again... to return to our first love. He wants us to be in His presence..
His desire is for us. how beautiful it is to experience this love...

I am my beloved's,

and his desire is for me.

I'll come back when You call me... no need to say goodbye,

no need to say goodbye...
this was the feeling I had when I left my family for the second time... my second family, at YWAM San Jose in Costa Rica. I felt that a return was imminent... and so leaving, although sad, was full of hope. I left June 11, 2009 after a 5 month journey staffing the DTS with a couple best friends. It was an unforgetabe experience- extremely challenging, and stretching... but I don't think I could begin to recount all that the Lord taught me during that time, when I really want to bring you to now and how faithful He has been, and continues to be.
The Lord God has been so incredibly GOOD during this time at home... usually being home, I don't expect a lot from time with Him, or as passionately pursue Him as I feel so desperate to when I'm doing something I know I clearly cannot do on my own strength or wisdom, like staffing DTS or being Asst. Head Counselor. I suppose it is also because I'm not in an environment where everyone is hungering after Him and encouraging me to do the same. I've, in the past, struggled to want MORE and expect more from Him during these in-between times, but I feel He has really begun to build a much more solid foundation in me to truly DESIRE and be aware of my NEED for Him at all times. He has been speaking to me a lot about being ready in and out of season, and pursuing Him and my relationship with Him passionately at all times in all circumstances. I am so thankful for this hunger...
and my need to be close to Him and hear His voice is just as necessary as always... I want to walk of the Lord, and be continually seeking His presence... so that I can go, when He says go and where He leads...
this brings me to why I wanted to write again... because ever since I left Costa Rica this past June, I had the feeling and desire to return... and the Lord has been so good and so faithful in preparing me and teaching me during the summer... putting me next to incredible women who fervently seek the Lord in all they do... blessing upon blessing He has poured out... PRAISE be to Him... and now, yet again, after much questioning and waiting (at times not so patiently) He is leading me back again in His faithfulness... to staff DTS again! I am so excited for another season, with old friends and new... I am so excited to be passionately pursuing the Lord with this family once again! I know He still has so much to teach me about leadership and servanthood, just simply loving Him and loving others. the plan is to return the same date as 2008 -dec31st, only 1 year later... I get to begin the new year once again in San Jose! so excited to be apart of what He is doing in Costa Rica!! I will keep updating here, more frequently hopefully! your prayers are so greatly appreciated!

it started out as a feeling,

which then grew into a hope,

which then turned into a quiet thought,

which then turned into a quiet word,

then that word grew louder and louder, till it was a battle cry

I'll come back when you call me, no need to say goodbye

just because everythings changin'

doesn't mean that it's never

been this way before

all you can do, is try to know who your friends are,

as you head off to the war

so pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light

you'll come back when its over, no need to say goodbye...

you'll come back when its over, no need to say goodbye

so now we're back to the beginning...

the call - regina spektor

female counseling team!

the Lord has blessed us with an incredible counseling team this summer! I am so blessed to be able to get to know these women! pray for us as we love and show these kids who Christ is!

welcome,

hello everyone! this is my first time blogging... still am a little unsure of how it all works, but will quickly figure it out. I wanted a really easy way to update everyone seeing as I am hardly ever at home now! Its been a crazy bunch of past months, beginning with New Years Eve back in Costa Rica. I was so so soooooo incredibly blessed to have been able to spend 5 more months there, after completely my own DTS last June 08. it was a beautiful experience, staffing DTS... one I hope to be able to do again one day. right now I am working away... another summer at camp Qwanoes. this is only my second time doing a full summer, but first time in the position of asst. head counselor.

with this blog I hope to be able to let you know all that the Lord is doing, wherever He calls me. I would be so thankful if you would join with me in prayer as I am able to share with you. this isn't a real update, just an intro, so hopefully I will get time soon to tell you all that is beautiful and praiseworthy. the Lord is good; thanks for reading.